Yard Sale
Jay and Gloria hold a yard sale to help Manny and Luke with their school's charity fundraiser, and the entire family pitches in: Phil feels pressured to both sell and buy something, Mitch and Cam help Claire assess Alex's new 'boy friend,' and Manny finds an old trunk that hides a secret Gloria wants to see remain a secret. Synopsis Manny is having a yard sale for his Social Studies class so they learn about global altruism, but Luke knows the truth: they just want to raise more money for charity so they get a pizza party. Jay isn't much for the sale because he doesn't want a bunch of strangers in his house, Haley is upset her stuff is being given away, even though she hasn't used any of it in almost a decade, and Claire doesn't want to argue about it. Alex wants to bring her boyfriend, Michael, to the yard sale. Claire is convinced Michael is gay, but Alex made out with him twice and there was even some under-the-shirt action. Cameron's contribution to the yard sale are six pairs of jeans he didn't need because he lost 25 pounds, and makes sure everybody knew about that. But Mitchell doesn't want him to get rid of the jeans because they are fairly new and he will have to buy new ones again when he gains the weight. But Jay's suggestion of hiding them in the car when Cam isn't looking sounds like a good idea. For Gloria, Manny selling a suitcase he found in the attic is a very cardinal sin. She grabs it, takes it back, and scares the crap out of both Manny and Luke. Luke thinks there's a human head in there. Manny selling a baseball bat and a ball he needs be care full with that Alex and Luke tells him to stop swinging a baseball bat he hits and miss the ball and Manny ends up throwing a baseball bat and breaking Gloria's BMW car on the windshield and Gloria is angry tries to kills Manny. Jay moves a Harley out of the line of fire, given someone is dumb enough to offer $100 for it. Phil is very much interested in buying it from Jay, but he know Claire will never allow it. She hears the conversation and says he can have it. Naturally, he thinks it's a trap, but Claire actually thinks it's kind of sexy. Not that Jay wants to hear that, but he lets Phil go for a test drive. Claire thinks he might be nervous, but actually, Phil does it quite well, riding the bike all the way up to the canyon. Then he discovered the hard way you have to put your feet on the ground when you stop, and he fells and the bike fells on him. Michael arrives, and Claire asks Mitch and Cam what they think, saying she doesn't want Alex to have her heart broken over a guy. They figure since straight guys aren't afraid to be well-groomed and gay guys aren't afraid to butch it up, it would be hard to tell from just a look and an intro. Then Alex introduces Michael to them, and with only a simple salutation from Michael, they conclude he's gay. But when Claire finds Alex and Michael sittin' in a tree, Mitch thinks it will be the perfect opportunity to go talk to him, and also deflect the conversation away from the six pairs of jeans Cam just finds in the car. Cam agrees to go talk to them. Luke and Manny open Gloria's suitcase and they find a ventriloquist's dummy. They go and grill Gloria on why she had it. It turns out, she was in a beauty pageant when she was young, and to distinguish herself from the other girls who would juggle knives for their talent, she brought out Uncle Grumpy. But she froze and couldn't do it. But she won anyway, as at the age of 18 she had also a perfect body. Claire, Mitchell and Cam finally tell Alex what they think about her boyfriend, and Alex figures she can just ask Michael, as they are not in the olden days any more. Michael denies being gay, claiming he took Alex to prom and kissed her. He is quite upset and wants to be left alone. However, they are seen being intimate again, so maybe they didn't break up definitely. Cam finds his jeans in a bush and confronted Mitchell. He wants Cam to have a "safety net", just in case, but Cam doesn't want the safety net because he has to be motivated to keep the weight off. Phil frees himself from under the bike after a couple of heartfelt emails he sent, since apparently he can't get voice but he gets data. All he needs to do is cut off a pant leg to make it work. And Claire is able to get him to hate the bike without her being the one to stops him. Luke goes to apologize to Gloria, although he tells her Manny will be disappointed because Manny always feels she is fearless, but Luke wants to see a puppet show and know how to get Gloria out of the house with Uncle Grumpy. Gloria finally decides to show the family her ability with the puppet. Jay interrupts her performance by getting out of the house (wearing exactly the same clothes as Uncle Grumpy and saying the only difference between a yard sale and a home invasion is he can shoot people in a home invasion). Claire then quickly realizes that Gloria has married a man exactly like her puppet. Guest Starring *Joe Metcalf as Michael *David Jahn as Ashtray Guy *Rob Kerkovich as Toaster Guy *Liz Jenkins as Customer Continuity *Michael, Alex's prom date from "Baby on Board", returns. *In the car of the Dunphys, is seen Haley's bike that Luke rode in "The Bicycle Thief". Trivia *Sofía Vergara submitted this episode for consideration due to her nomination for the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series. *In the beauty pageant photo, Gloria's sash reads "Miss Barranquilla". Barranquilla, Colombia is Sofía Vergara's hometown. *Lily is absent in this episode. Cultural References *The title references the event of the same name that consists in selling used or unwanted personal items, typically held outdoors at the home of the seller. *Haley has a John Mayer poster. *Alex says she is fluent in Elvish (there are actually two Elvish languages, Sindarin and Quenya). *Phil mentions the Happy Days episode "Fonzie's Blindness" where the Fonz is blinded but still fixes his motorcycle. *Jay owns a Harley. *The bit where Phil gets his leg trapped under the bike is a reference to the film 127 Hours. *Uncle Grumpy mentions Basic Instinct. *The Uncle Grumpy doll may be a reference to the popular Breaking Bad character Uncle Hector, as both look relatively similar, pull the same face, and have the nick-name "uncle". *Phil's motorcycle playlist: **"Stuck in the Middle With You" - Stealers Wheel **"Hit the Road Jack" - Ray Charles **"Anything" - Heavy D **"Neutron Dance" - Pointer Sisters Category:Episodes Category:Season 4